THE LADY AND THE PIG-MAN
JASON: Mummy, whats that lady doing in that tree?
MUMMY: What tree?
J: Yes mummy, theres a lady with a red dress up that tree
M: Oh its probably just an old plastic bag thats been caught by the wind dear, lets hurry back to the car now
J: But mummy, there is a lady in the tree and theres a man there on his knees and he's pulling his own hair
M: Come along now Jason, we've had our wee-wee, daddy will be waiting in the car and will be wondering whats happened to us. He's a silly man to kneel down there on the wet grass. You know, you shouldn't ever do that, sit on the wet grass don't you Jason? Brrrrrr! Its starting to rain again, lets hurry up now dear
J: But the lady might be stuck in the tree and she's trying to climb even higher up the tree mummy, and the man's waving his arms about and shouting things
M: Come along now Jason
J: No! I want to stay and watch, what are they saying mummy, and why are they both shouting?
M: Oh I think they are Italians dear, you know sometimes they tend to get a bit over-excited the Italians
J: But mummy, she called him 'cochon' thats French for pig, Ian told me, and the man's got a 'B' for Belgium on him. Why's that man a pig mummy?
M: Oh, I don't think she really means he's a pig Jason
J: But the lady's spitting at the pig mummy. I don't think the lady and the pig-man like each other very much, mummy
M: I don't think we should call him the 'pig-man' dear
J: No, sometimes he's being nice to the lady in the tree, he keeps promising to give her things. She looks a big of a slag mummy
M: Jason! Where ever did you learn words like that?
J: From you and daddy you pair of old ratbags.........